The Power of Language

Do you remember the old nursery rhyme, "Sticks and stones will break my bones, but names will never hurt  me"?  Many of us grew up with it and agreed with it.  As we grew older, though, we realized the impact that names and other words can have because language has emotional overtones.   For instance, how many of us have listened, many with fear, to the daily stock market briefings these last several months?  How many of us have heard reporters saying, "The market plunged / plummeted / crashed more than 200 points yesterday"?

Those verbs create fear!  Plunged?  Plummeted?  What ever happened to dropped, fell, slid, lost? Not dramatic enough?  Maybe not.  But when so many people are already afraid because they see their savings being reduced so quickly, strong emotional words just add unnecessary pain. 

Language has power over us.  While we may not mean to wound, the words we use can be very hurtful . . . or helpful.

For instance, let's say you'd like your significant other to pick up the dry cleaning after work. What do we usually say at that time?  "Honey, don't forget to pick up the cleaning tonight."  Unfortunately, saying "don't forget" can have negative consequences.  It's very possible that Honey will feel defensive because you're thinking he or she will forget.  That kind of statement is often seen as a subtle accusation, and you can be in an argument you never intended and don't understand. 

The other issue is that by planting the seed of "don't forget," you're creating the very outcome you don't want.  Most of us hear "forget" more clearly than "don't," and we end up doing what wasn't wanted.  We respond to the action word, the verb.  So how do we get around this? 

Simply state what you do want rather than what you don't want.  It's a lot less confusing and less apt to cause feelings of being accused of a crime the other person hasn't committed!  In this case, you could say, "Honey, please pick up the dry cleaning tonight."  Or, "Honey, remember to ..." It's usually heard as more of a request than a put-down.

The same technique works very well with small children.  Saying "Don't run!" will get more running. Saying "Walk slowly!" is more likely to get you exactly what you're looking for. 

Look at these: "Hold the glass with both hands" instead of "Don't drop it!"  Which is going to be heard as an accusation? 

This really works. Try it!